My Life in His Light

2009-09-18T07:31:00.001-04:00

Subject: Commuting Again

2009-09-18T07:29:00.001-04:00

Hi its me

2009: Part Deux

2009-08-30T08:36:00.005-04:00

And so, 2009 continued to be astronomically amazing! Can i just say that my brother Jesus held me down, like foreal forreal.

A lil bit outta sequence, but in 2009 part I, the kid grew up a bit to 24 jack bauer age. Had a gathering for the first time at the crib in norweezy and a few close friends came out to celebrate. I thank God for friends like those that came thru. Its crazy how many close friends I have that truly care about a brotha. ok back to 2009.2

International travels yet again for tha kidd. This time the destination was the motherland, the 2nd largest continent, the supreme.....AFRICA! Ya boy went from NYC to Accra, Ghana straight...no layovers...check the testimony though.
When I get to the airport roughly 2.5hrs before my flight, I completely forgot about having the card that I used to purchase my tickets with on my person, but I didn't think it'd be a big deal. I mean I went to Singapore wit less. But this time Delta was not playing. I promise you three representatives told me I'm sorry but you're not going to Ghana today. I nearly cried each and every time. I went from a ticket agent to her supervisor to his boss and they all wasn't saying anything I wanted to hear. While they would go walk to get their manager or walk away to consult with other reps i was praying. At one pt i just kept saying jesus...yo i was mad scared. I came too far to be turned around...I mean i might could have went home to CT and tried to get on a flight the next day, but it was a near $2,000 ticket, who knows if they'd just let me get on another flight. In any case, finally the last supervisor decided he'd try something different after me just standing there in front of him repeating "there has to be something you can, anything"...he refunds and repurchases my ticket with another card that I had on me. This left me roughly 15mins to get my gate for an international flight at the back of hte line in JFK. So i ran like hell and upset many ppl behind me cutting them in line.

well, i made it. and it was great! justin showed me what he knew of Ghana and I explored some other parts and i really feel like i came back enlightened. not so much with a majestically understanding, but more so an experience, a time shared with a close friend overseas in Africa. And a lil icning on the cake (yeah vince i said icning), I shook the hands of the first lady and the president, wow. If i didn't do anything else in 2009 but this one trip it would have all been worth it, but God had much more blessings in store and for this and without this I continue to praise him.

And then there was Mexico....the first vacation with my best of all friends (she would cut me if i didn't mention this)...young shonia. This vacay was more than relaxing, it was packed with fun filled excitement and really topped off my 2009 year. I just can't get over that water! I'm used to the water at Jones beach, where can catch diseases if you stay in too long...lol...but seriously tranquility was an understatement while being there. And certainly being there with someone special has its pluses. Overall it was something I hadn't experienced, it was something new and different, it was me and jay in another country, in a different vibe, relaxing to a different beat. the cool's cool.

and finally Aug 24th, I resign from UBS and accept a position at Morgan. How is it that I am changing positions in a horrible economy, when ppl are trying to keep their jobs. I HAVE NO CLUE! I honestly wasn't looking or searching for anything new. This jobs literally fell into my lap. God really has some plans for me and I plan to do his will throughout. But geezzz, 09 was insanely divine! Onto new beginnings, hopefully before the year is out I will have rented out the pad in CT, saved a significant amount of emergency savings and preparing to sign a new lease in qb with a roomie.

i can't wait to see what else 09 has to offer...
-Mc JR.

2009: Part 1

2009-08-27T09:03:00.010-04:00

WWWWWOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!

2009 has been absolutely incredibly...majestic...glory-filled...raining upon raining of blessings.

I started off the year with the Impact Conference. 2nd time around, it felt very different. All new roomies...new cornellians that came out...and new found understandings of where I need to take my faith.

About a year back myself, Jay, Justin and Max started a mini campaign to raise funds for our now 1st Black President. 50 for Change. With too much time own our hands, we managed to build a website and coerce our friends and family to donate to political campaign of President Barack Obama. We intently watched the polls and primaries/caucuses to see the outcomes and victories of Obama. After winning the democratic ticket, 50 for change lost its funding and the site was dismantled. (i.e. I stopped paying that GoDaddy bill cuz we figured Obama could handle it from here). Little did we know, we just contributed a small collective donation to our first black president which happened in 2009! Unfortunately I couldn't go to the inauguration, but yet in still I feel this is a major blessing in 2009 for me to see the fruits of our labor and even more so the promise of America on a new course and striding on a distinctive path to change!

Somewhere along the lines my mentor and I started a bible study at UBS. What started off in the cafeteria of UBS with two guys, progressed into 4 guys meeting at my mentors apt in some common area space. We started and finished Romans and along the way managed to memorize 14 bible verses that we hand picked throughout the weeks. This weekly group mtg alone has been a high point in this year. Since I haven't found too many close close friends in CT, this group has been somewhat of a haven...that mid week re-up that I need to continue going and stay focused on HIM.

Fast Forward to April 09. Ann Arbor, Michigan. RDW Part Deux....tradition is reborn and 6 of 9 brothers meet up to re-up and parlay in the abandoned, scary movie like, cabin near some lake in Michigan. We went from roughin it in NJ eastern tropical storms to slightly upgraded accommodations in the Lake Heron-side home of Detroit native, Adam. We prolly still dont realize yet the type of impact we're having on each other's lives but it is truly amazing to keep the torch burning. Kudos to a young Guggenheim for setting up and setting out this years RDW. Honestly, I can't wait till the next one. These cats motivate me like no other to push myself further and farther.

-Ray Jr.

P.S. Justin comments on this photo of RDW "gonna lay down my burdens..." which is absolutely hilarious to me, thus its inclusion.

Quick Chat

2008-06-04T07:55:00.002-04:00

So I was talking to someone at work today and something clicked in my head when he said to me "we're trying to see if you have the drive..." I kinda felt like of course I have the drive, why else would I be here. But then I realized that I haven't really shown that drive in a while. I haven't really been extra motivated to stay late or finish up some work or even do other work that wasn't exactly required of me.

This isn't the way I wanted to kick off my first year in Corporate America. So.... on june 4 2008 or 11 months since I started. I'm going to kick it back into high gear and see if I can turn things around...

-R

The First Steps

2008-05-16T13:07:00.003-04:00

So, I'm beginning to realize that I may have to take some concrete steps in order to mediate this people pleasing issue. I mean its not so much an issue as its a concern that it could potentially be dangerous/harmful.

So yall remember how I'm doing this on the side music project (i mean i'm just doin the website) that's supposed to blow up big time like youtube. I'm not 100% sure that I have time to do it. I mean I've been "doing" it since graduation. And my "doing" i mean sometimes i put in work other times i don't. And i think the people who are really dedicated to making it happen are looking for me to put in more work than i've been doing. Plus i kinda promise and never deliver.

Don't you just hate that. But check this, i think i'm more so trying to please people on the promise rather than being completely honest about the timeframe. more importnatnly i think i don't really have time for it at all. Sounds weird, cuz i'm really not doing anything else, besides work, but i'm realizing that that's a lot in itself. So I seriously contemplating letting them know i can't be on the project anymore....uuugghhh my other achilles heel...disappointing people....damn son. but on the real i'd rather tell them now then right before it blows up and they require much more outta me.

I guess the only other thing is that I kinda wanted to still be connected so if it did blow up i could benefit. maybe that's selfish. not so much for wanting to be in on it, but more so for wanting to be in on it, but not giving it the time it desires. I think that's where the lesson to be learned resides. If I can't give this project the time it deserves, which I can't, then I shouldn't be apart of it. Cuz anything less will look badly on me and will probably strain my free time, as it already has.

Thus said. I'ma have a call tonight and some unfortunate news will surface. But yall got the pre-release to the press ya feel me.

on another note, while i'm already in this train of thought (so i guess it isn't on another note), frits......yeah.....so....gonna have to say no, to that site....yeah i know....sorry....maybe she'll read this and i wont have to muster up the courage to tell her to her face. well over the phone. ahhh i know..i'll do it thru txt...man that blows. ok fine, given that she prolly wont read this till a month from now if even that. I'll send her a txt saying we needa talk about the joint. ya feel me...

baby steps cuz i'm taking baby steps,
-R. Learner

p.s. in other news....i'm waiting on that sprint instinct to drop (why am i still a sprint customer...i really don't know)

P.P.s. that's not me in that pic walking...some random black baby

Learning Lessons…

2008-05-15T11:03:00.003-04:00

So, in my last post, yesterday or last week….actually it was more than a month ago, I talked about how I was crazy hyped to see the schemes that God has cooked up for me to learn from and to increase my wisdom and knowledge. And now with hindsight I’m not as excited.  I’m kinda like dag yo, forreal God this is how I gotta learn. was this absolutely necessary. I mean you’re all powerful and everything so maybe you could have taught me through a book or a tv show or simply through osmosis, but I guess I wouldn’t have listened unless it affected my life huh. man I really needa change that otherwise I’ll always be learning from the my own experiences. that’s kinda wack. I wanna learn the easy way.

Anyway, I realize some things about my person. This body that I inhabit for the time being. besides the fact that there is this og negro on the inside rattling his cage screamin and hollerin to be let out. there is also this dude who feels he has to please everybody. like foreal I genuinenily want people to be happy and what not. now to a degree, this isn’t a bad quality at all, however when that want/desire to please overrides other priorites…it kills.

like fixing peoples computers in the middle of the night because they lost their final papers and are going to fail their class without it, but yet I’m working on my final paper where I’ll be failing regardless, unless a miracle happens.

or like being an org whore and doing mad stuff/slack work that others didn’t do just for the betterment of the org and the community only to sacrifice my personal studies or work and suffer the consequences of all-nighters and rockstars

however it happens. it a constant theme in tha kids play. and because its something I do so naturally its hard for me to pinpoint it in the act, but one thing I’ve noticed is that my involvement in activities and “saying no” to things is coming up again. at the nell that was a big part of my experience, learning to say no to too many activities and toomany “real quick favors” etc. and now as I’m working and in the real world I have similar issues in a different arena.

one thing I’m trying to do is stop volunteering to be the savior, which is hard for me, cuz anytime someone is like “if only we had some sort of way to communicate over the internet like a website or something” I want rip off my shirt showing my computer costume underneath and save the day by building a site.

oh the days wheni just used to say no. to everything as a premise before even hearing the question. have now dwindled as the days of people implying they need my help and me wanted to rescue them from their plight are coming so much more often.

people pleasing is dangerous, I suggest everyone just be jerks and then when you’re nice to something they’ll be like oh wow I didn’t expect that. and they will since never expect it so u wont be caught in binds later on when they ask you to please other people. they just wont ask cuz they’ll be like nah. he’s not that kinda person. or nah he’s a jerk….

what have I really learned?

Another Year wit 'em

2008-03-30T20:46:00.000-04:00

Hello Blog! Long time no speak. So I'll update ya on some thangs thats going on in the life of the blessed kidd, brother to the holy son, also son of the heavenly dad, and close wit the messenger-the spirit. We allmad kewl. Be chillin together on weekends and what not. But letme tell you how they stay moving in my life.

The burfday times was crazy hot. My friends at work threw me a surprise gathering after work, which they accidentally sent me the outlook invite for....(lol its kewl mooreas). And then when I went up to Ithaca, my shorty Jay threw me a surprise gathering in Ujamaa wit a few friends, which I kinda knew something was up when I saw young Harris's car in the loading dock after I spoke to him and he was like 'I'm at home. Just gon chill the whole night, not gon do much.' But its kewl, I was still surprised by all of the engagements cuz it really shows that ppl care about you. It's kinda hot.

Plus Jay got me some hot books to read. So I gotta get my spiritual game up, cuz they Jesus books. Plus I'm still reading other joints so I gotta get my intelligent game up. So all in all big moves is in the plan.

Its funny too, cuz lately a lot of ppl been asking me how I'm doing, prolly cuz I'm seeing/talking to ppl I haven't been in contact wit in a while, but my constant response is always 'Man....I'm great. God loves me OD.' And its so true. I am so enamored wit the fact that God is who He is. And like John R. said if He don't o another thing for me I would still love Hi just because He is. Me and Mike was crazy fascinated by that complete, concise and yet so complex statement: God is.

I mean, my God is. Its kinda crazy to think about. There are so many ways to add to that entnce t be more specific, but even then you can't capture it all like God is. I think though I've come across something to end that with to d to it but not really dilute it. Like God is Amazing, kind, loving, etc. They are all goo additions but they don't hit it. What I like most now is......God is God.

That kinda completes it for me. He is God. Alive, working, blessing, loving, seeking, saving, etc.

If someone were to as me now how have I've been. I'd say because of Him I've been. Cuz the question is how have you been and the how is God.

But really though, I excited for the future and His plans for me. I can see him smiling and cookin up the ill schemes to teach me and I'm crazy hype to learn.

Happy day of birth,
tha kidd

Consistency

2008-01-08T16:32:00.000-05:00

Habits can be formed with consist and frequent actions. So I'm trying to do just that and come that form of spiritual actualization I was talking about last week.

I went to a bible study at this church in CT. And at first I wasn't really feeling the message. I mean it was good and all but it didn't seem revitalizing or refreshing. And I didn't to leave cuz I called in to make sure the bible study was still happening and ended speaking to the pastor who holds it. And of course had I got up he would've seen me and probably said something. So I stayed. And by the end of it I wasn't at all disappointed. Nothing miraculous happened or nothing from the surface really changed. I just kind of adjusted my attitude towards it and began to accept it for what it was: bible study.

So I plan to begin to form good spiritual habits by going again tomorrow.

In other news....(kinda abrupt right, yeah I know) My boy nate dawg sent me a little gift yesterday. And actually Mike B. ruined the surprise but nonetheless I didn't know the details. But he sent me this spiritual journal. It's one of those books you write in daily and end of reading the entire bible in one year.

Man these things always scared me. I just look at reading books in general as a task and now the bible. It's got like a bagillion pages. But last night I convinced myself to do it. And I packed my bible, the journal, and a pen in my work bag (the jack bauer pullover...except mines says NSBE) and went to sleep fixed on doing my first journal entry on my bus ride to work.

Sadly, I didn't. I convinced myself out of it cuz I said I was tired and needed to sleep cuz I haven't been getting good rest. Yall know me I can sleep at anytime, anywhere, without hesitation. But guess who couldn't fall asleep on the bus this morning.

So while my eyes were closed and not falling asleep I was like that's not fair God, you know I can't read anyway. Why burden me with so much to do while on this bus? I even went on to justify not reading by thinking i was already half-way into my bus ride from pretending to sleep for 15mins. So I shouldn't read cuz i wont finish....

Oh yall gon have to pray for me on this one. Its gon be hard, but I know I gotta start somewhere and start small. So hopefully tomorrow will be a different story

peace

There's more work to be done...

2008-01-01T22:43:00.000-05:00

So a short but much needed post after a long hiatus. Maintaining this blog has been somewhat of a challenge for me (unbeknownst to the reader). So I am charging myself to post more frequently as the days come.

The New Year...

No resolutions here, no yearly projections on matters that could have been resolved yesterday. Today like no other day is no different than the last or the first for that matter. But in that I coincidentally post on the day that poetically everyone would like to hear the New Year's resolution to post more frequently. So I shall not mock resolutions for fear of hypocritcally condemning myself to the same shame for this mere act of happenstance. Instead, I'll just comply...

Spiritual Actualization. If this even means anything of psychologcial substance. I want to promote spiritual actualization. Similar to that of realizing one's potential. I want to "realize" the spirit within me. Although, paradoxically, the phrase spiritual actualization denotes a phsycial more logical understanding of this spirit. I actually want to have a more metaphysical, mysterious (if you will) understanding of this spirit.

No longer do I want to rationalize the decisions and directions this spirit leads me, but rather I want to decrease myself so that I can hear exactly what it is God is telling me.

So I am charging myself to produce and nurture new soil and fertile ground for God to plant new trees of knowledge in my life. Cuz, the ground now is a little too saturated with me and my thoughts. I'm not starting fresh, but I am adding a new garden from which to grow new trees. I want the God in me to take over me and allow me to become a child of Him.

God Bless.

The Pink monkey ate the turkey sandwich

2007-11-30T15:46:00.000-05:00

Couldn't think of a clever title. So I decided to go with the most random thing I could think of at the moment. I feel like I've said that before though, making it not so random. Anyone ever recall?

Anyway, news flash!

While most ppl were doing this....
for let's say 12 credits for 2 semesters = total 360hrs.

I was doing this....

and then...

and finally...

All that traveling for about 320hrs. And in less time than you complete your semester (like 4 months)

So for 4 months everyday I took what Justin called a "flight" from qb to work everyday....and back.

Those painful memories are over now. I was rereading a previous post on how I was saying I'd wait it out and continue to do that commute until God had a crib for me. Phew, if I had to wait any longer I may have died from like subway-disease or something. He surely knows how much I can handle.

But yay! wooohooo! I finally got a place (24 days later). Yeah, I actually got it on Nov 6th. But haven't told the blog world yet, so no one really knows until now. But let me tell you how this thing literally collapsed and then rebuilt itself back together. Not my home. The situation.

Member how I was saying that God stay blessing me cuz I was about to put an offer in on a crib that I and my fam liked, but for "some" reason it didn't want to go through. And then I saw a new listing pop up on the market for a considerably lower price, closer to my price range yet with the same amenities. (Can you see God working already?) Yeah so bad news....but let me do it in story mode so you can feel my pain.

So after I put in an offer and they immediately counter-offered much higher and insulted my loan company and even threaten to not entertain me anymore because they were so disgusted with my offer and my mortgage ppl. Geez, talk about hate. So after my realtor convinced them we'd make magic happen and close the deal in 20days from whenever they signed, they were more willing to listen. So while Jay and I are debating this place for me and the possible counter to the counter offer, all kinds of mumbo jumbo happens. Like supposed other offers, counter to the counter's counter and so on. And finally we agreed on a price I was happy wit and the seller could stomach. (btw: i've never physically seen/spoke to the seller, our agents talk, cuz if i had...I'd probably be in prison or running from the cops somewhere, and still hittin up the blog)

So anyway, so we're working towards a closing date. And all kinds of miscommunication goes on. At one point the seller didn't even want to work with us anymore. I was praying to God that everything would just finally please work out. So I had to do some serious damage control. Had everyone (my attorney, realtor, and mortgage banker) on the phone and cleared the air and settled everything before we approached the selling side.

Praying calms my nerves too, cuz I can get really heated on the phone, while on the train on my "flight" home. It don't get pretty when you impede His Plans for me. I take personal offense. But that evened out over time, but boy was that way more than a hassle. I was literally about to (forcefully) have EVERYONE including the seller meet face to face or something.

So finally closing day. Or what should have been Oct. 24th quickly turned to Oct. 31st and then every day was closing until it literally happened on Nov 6. I was like come on. Are you serious? Everyday same call. "uhhh we haven't received x documents from your x (lawyer, realtor, seller) So we're going to have to postpone the closing till tomorrow....if we get them today" It was another pain.

And then finally it was set Nov. 5th. Yeah I know Nov. 5th. Just watch...or read rather. So Monday comes around and ya boy takes off work, cuz closing is an all day affair. Rents a Budget Rental Truck. Contracts out Gregg and my boy Corey to help a brother load. And packed all my crap in this truck and was ready to go on early Monday morning. (Fat shout to Gregg and C-murdah for helpin out yo). So we get to the lawyers office to sign away my life for hte next 30yrs and I thought it'd be great to maybe do a lil extra. Maybe buydown the interest rate on the mortgage. So I call my banker to get the specifics/details on how much, etc. After getting the info, I'm convinced that's not what I want to do anymore. So I go back to the table open my pen begin to sign on the form and then my phone rings.....

Insane! Mortgage banker calls me back saying "Ray. I'm so sorry." Don' t you just hate it when people say that. Cuz they put you in suspense for like a good 3 sec. That could stop someone's heart. Anyway she was like "You have the wrong forms. There's a mistake." So I put her on speaker phone and she's explaining to my lawyer, moms, pops, and myself what the hell is going on. She then gets her manager on the phone to explain that the forms wont process till tomorrow. Yeah Tuesday. So my fam is yellin into the phone "Well what are we supposed to do with a Truck load of crap ready to be moved in" And everyone is gettin extra excited. And by excited I mean frustratedly angry, upset, and mad. So after a lot of talking. They were like "Sorry". I almost broke someone's face. Anyone could have sufficed at that moment. I was so so so pissed. Plus my realtor wasn't there to even give me the keys to the place had I moved in. So we woulda had to wait an hour or so while the lawyer got them.

This is where I held my tongue, which was on fire. And left God handle the situation. Mind you I aint wanna really hit nobody cuz I was in my good suit. One of two. And had I had three suits somebody might of still been in the hospital. But God knows me oh to well.

At the end of it all. I had to take off another day, rent the truck another day (paying fees), keep my stuff stored in the truck overnight in the unlocked lot, and close on Tuesday. But when I spoke to my mortgage banker and expressed to her my restraining myself from exploding. She kindly compensated my LARGELY. Here's where God literally came down, paused the real world and china, and reworked my situation just so that I could sleep easy. I ended up getting $100 or so off my monthly mortgage (for not paying PMI) and then got the PMI fee waived and they credited me the appraisal ($400) for the budget truck worries.

Man of man i was crazy happy when I calculated them savings.

So now I'm living good. settling in. loving life as usual, and thanking Him for just being Him. And also for holding me back when I was gonna ruin my future with some physical altercations and not be in the situation I am in now.

If you read my blogs from the beginning of this housing search mess. Or even go back further to January of 07 when I started this jawn. You'd be like damn mad ppl tried to OD on you heavy like. Like forreal sabotage was following me like a lil brotha, but He prevailed. i had nothinig to do with it. i was just on the sidelines like oo00o0o0o00 damn! ouch....are you serious......wwwwoooowww...lolol stop it please.....is this real life?....

So, now the days did still have crazy elements like: lossing electiricity, gas (had heat though), getting locked out, missing cable apts. But in the end God keeps "undo-ing" everyone else's madness and even my own and makes everything work out. Praise be to Him! Straight up I love my dude, Jesus, yo.

So if you really questioning your struggle/inconvenience/life lesson/or anything else. Trust me give it to God and just wait. And if you need another testimony to help you thru. Holla at me I'm a jukebox. I got them joints for days and they crazier than this one too.

I'm outtie. now eat the sang-weeech!

Who's Your Donkey?

2007-11-27T14:57:00.000-05:00

This is a reiteration of a sermon I heard at Grace Baptist in Norwalk, CT. Yeah man tha's right Norwalk. Not qb, but south norwalk. That's another entry for another day. He's alive! I'm stay tellin 'em.

But at this church, the pastor spoke about a story of the Bible in Numbers 22. It was about a man named Balaam, a man of God known to bless people and then sometimes curse people. You should read the story(Numbers 22 & 23) yourself to fully understand, but the basic idea was that Balaam's donkey was preventing him from doing wrong. And Balaam beat the donkey several times for each time it stopped him from doing what he wanted. It wasn't until the donkey actually spoke that Balaam realized what he was going to do was wrong.

How many times have I slapped the hand that tried to stop the other from burning?...How many times have you?

Who's the donkey in your life?

Simply Grace

2007-11-15T14:37:00.000-05:00

Time to revive the blog....It's worth it.....I'm ready....It's gonna happen....So check back just about everyday, because it's going to be something special....

Onto today's entry....

Ever feel like you didn't deserve the things you have. Or that you're so blessed, you don't think you should be able to complain. Or even just think about all the people in this world that may have things tougher than you.

I too had those same feelings....ok I can't do that anymore.....

Starting over....

This is fun btw.

Today I'm so so so so so excited. Like I've been for the past SUMMER. I can't stop smiling all the time. And I don't want to brag about what God has done for me, but I do want everyone to know that He is truly something amazing.

If you know me well you'll notice my face is illuminated at this point and throughout this entry.

I can't explain the many blessings that God has given me or why I have his favor on so many occassions. Or why even still alive? Or why I'm in the position that I am financially, mentally, physically, psychologically, and more importantly spiritually.

To say that God has done AMAZING things in my life is an extreme UNDERSTATEMENT. If anyone remembers me calling Urlacher the Undo-er...its' kind of like that. Let me explain.

Everything I do wrong, God goes into time and undoes every evil consequence that was supposed to result of my carelessness or stupidity. He literally changes my future everytime I undo his master plan. Its almost like he's my game genie to my snes and he's puttin in the codes himself. I'm just playing hte game.

Ok its actually not exactly like that. But you get what i mean. I think it's important to note when God has blessed you and when God has given you grace. Because I've recently learned (Thanks Mike. B) that the two are not exactly the same.

Being Blessed is when God gives you something or grants you something or does something for you because either you needed it, asked for it, or secretly wanted it but never said it outloud.

Having Grace is when you do something wrong and God not only rights your wrongs but also blesses you in the process.

Mike B.'s example was of three things: Justice, Blessed, and Grace. Three scenarios describe the three respectively:

(1) You run a red light and cop sees you. He stops you and gives you a ticket....JUSTICE
(2) You run a red light and cop sees you. He stops you and gives you a warning and lets you go free......BLESSED
(3) run a red light and cop sees you. He stops you and upgrades your rims, washes ya car, and gives you a new shiner paint job and then lets you go free......GRACE

Those examples explain themselves. I've experience the latter on many occassions as I know you have as well.

So think for a while about it and you're realized that you too have simply Grace. And that's one of the greatest feelings around....

Next Post: Who's Your Donkey?

Bless(said)

2007-09-25T17:06:00.001-04:00

Just to make sure...some of my post refer to being blessed. Read Psalms 32. It speaks (sings) about what it means to be blessed. And the passages speaks to God making you clean in his eyes and protecting you from the evils of the world. Being blessed doesn't mean that everything is going to be perfect, or that you will receive the world's definition of prosperity, life, or honor. But you will receive those in God's eyes with his definition.

Also, it doesn't mean God will always fix your situtaion so that you're not suffering anymore or going through, but it does mean that he will comfort you in those times.

But I didn't want people to think just because your heart is in God, you should receive material gifts (somewhat hinted at this in my last post). Rather God will bless you. Meaning he will protect you, comfort you, and take care of you. He does want you have be happy and "have things," but not based on the world's definitions.

So note that never in any of my posts and I concluding that worshiping God gives you material happiness. Rather worshiping God gives you spiritual gifts that sometimes manifest themselves into material things. But of course your reason for worship is not for the supposed outcome, but rather because He is who He is.

Even if I had nothing, and my situation was drastically different. I would still praise his name, and bare with anything He gave me cuz He never gives us more than we can bare, right? Also cuz He gives us everything we need to cope with any situation.

Completely understanding the ways of God, is sometimes impossible, but you can partially understand some things that will give you exactly what you need to continue. Plus it's not for us to know exaclty what He has planned for us. It's part of our belief (if you believe) that you trust.

So even if my homeownership situation doesn't pan out how I want it, I know that He will provide for me as long as I follow His plan.

CORRECTION: Prayer works as long as you're praying in accordance with His will.

....until my next upchuck session....,
-R

Prayer Works: Homeownership is near

2007-09-25T16:27:00.000-04:00

So, this past weekend my sister and I went condo searching with my realtor and found a banging hot jawn. After reviewing it, my sister was like "we want it....put an offer down on that one." In my head I was like "we", nah but you know! On the train ride home I was praying that God have his way, and also that his way be this unit under my ownership.

Anyway after moms dukes and pops seen it, it was official I put in that offer, but check the process.

Initially I was going to put down an offer I was slightly uncomfortable with, but people convinced me that anything lower would be so unreasonable and almost immediately rejected. After talking to Mike B., my brotha, and then finally my moms best friend who owned and is selling a condo. I was confident that I would and should go lower to a number I was comfortable. Plus I assured my spirit that I was willing and ready to step away from this unit if things didn't work out (i.e. they wanted more $ than I was comfortable giving). And then right before I went to sleep, I wanted to research some more, and I found a similar unit in the same complex with the same amenitities and nice pics for a SIGNIFICANTLY low price. Even a little lower than mine. This made me feel even more comfortable with my figure. So after my parents visit, I signed away a number I was comforable with. (That unit priced lower, I found out had a deposit on it and was in the process of being sold, but still...). I prayed again that God have his way and that his way included this unit for my price or somewhere I could feel comfortable with.

And guess what after leaving my realtor, she and I both realized I forgot to give her the check to seal the offer. So I had to fax it to her when I got home....and then....my fax machine just wouldn't work (even after my pops using it fine yesterday). So I used my neighbors machine.

The next morning I get message from my realtor saying her fax machine wasn't working. STRANGE

And then another call during the evening, saying that my realtor sent the offer several times, but the agent she was sending it too, never received it.....And then the agent lost her cell phone....Yeah crazy

So this mornging my realtor suggested we hold off on the offer not just because of the EXTREMEMLY weird circumstances, but also because ANOTHER unit same complex, similar amenities, was newly listed. Lower price than the original one I put an offer down, but a little higher than my comfortable max. But the buying process is about negiotating. So pray for me on that one.

BTW: everytime my realtor contacted me, my heart stopped. And several times she called and the call dropped, so I was/am on edge kinda

But now we're going to see that new unit on Thursday. And put the offer on pause until I find out about this new unit.

So to put this in an eternal perspective and use an spiritual understanding to debrief this entire process, one should notice where GOD had his hand in this entire process all the way. What would've happened if I would have put down the first number that I was uncomfortable with, but advised to go with (I don't know). But I know after speaking to wise counsel with a similar spiritual understanding and divine perspective, I was reassured what God had intended for me was much different than what the world can define, constrain, or determine.

Through it all, I felt a very similar feeling like when man said I shouldn't apply to certain colleges, or that I should look to continue my higher education at york college, or even that I wouldn't get an internship or job with my previous GPA. Dag! God had my back on mad occassions if you look at it. He just be telling people to SHUTUP everytime they speak against his plan, silently, and less arroganly than shutup, but still He proves them wrong each time.

This is why I believe and why I seek righteousness and love, because I constantly find life, prosperity, and honor. I'm in an extremely BLESSED situation and will remain patience and in accordance to His will and plan. And trust me I am ssssssoooo anxious to reduce my 4hr/day commute. But I'm ready and willing to do what ever He says I gotta do. Even that means another month of this HORRIBLE, please don't let it be dad, commute. But I am ready.

You should try to notice points in your life where people told you otherwise from what your spirit told you. And for the future, pray that His will be done and follow ya heart (wow, so cliche), but really sometimes ya brain convinces ya heart to feel a certain way, so you really gotta listen closely. My spirit is speaking louder nowadays. And the more you're in tune to God's will, the louder your spirit will speak.

With that said pray works. If I listed all the things I prayed for and received yall would be slightly jealous, but remember...proverbs 21:21....pursue love and righteousness, and you'll get life, prosperity, and honor...and be blessed,
-Ray

Your Everday Superhero

2007-09-25T15:56:00.000-04:00

So here goes the chucking...

For the past few weeks, I've been to travel 2hrs to work back and forth everyday. Actually it's been since July 16th, but who's counting. Anyway it's only been a few weeks that I've been observing that I am your everday superhero.

Wikipedia defines "A superhero [as a] fictional character 'of unprecedented, physical prowess dedicated to acts of derring-do in the public interest.'" (which they quoted from the New York Court of Appeals. But this point here I'm emphasizing is the part "in the public interest." I like to think of that as their (superheroes) love for people (everybody).

I do that on a regular basis everyday. And I feel this is one of the best ways to combat the ills of society, stereotypes, and trials and tribulations of everday life. (Bare with me, I'm getting there)

So on three occassions I had a chance to show love to society on my travel to/from work and I only took advantage of two of them.

1. This woman was fighting her tears and crying on the shuttle train to Grand Central. I was about to approach her and simply extend a tissue and an opportunity to speak with someone, but after my 334 calculated hesitations, the train arrived at it's destination and our ways rapidly parted.

2. A woman walking in the Grand Central Terminal was speed walking like everyone else, while I was posted up talking on my phone about 10-15ft away (like I really know). She dropped a lot mail and keep going, as everyone behind her just walked over it and no one said anything. So when she came past me, I showed her what she dropped.

3. Walking up the subway stairs late night, another woman dropped a $20 bill about 5 steps ahead of me. I tripped up the stairs to get it....and then I returned it to her. (yeah, I know my previous self was screaming on the inside, lol chris, he locked in the cage for now)

These may just seem like Random Acts of Kindenss, right Jalyn? But I think of them as occassions where I can show love. Not a lot of times people, or blacks, or even black males show love. Why?

Maybe cuz it aint cool to love. It's cool to hate though, right?

Proverbs 21:21
He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity, and honor.

This was verse I had written down in my personal notepad for some reason. But when I read it I immmediately thought about those 3 occurences and how my pursuit of love and righteousness could not only help me to find life, prospeirty, and honor, but also others.

As my family and I have meetings discussing politics or the state of black america, we also resolve to a point that there is something missing that was there in the 60s and not here. I believe that something stems from a mulititude of institutions and cultural norms, but the root of it from my perspective is that we are missing the love.

Not enough churches, families, fathers, mothers, neighbors, and even strangers love. So I'm committing myself to show and seek love and righteousness in my day to day. Surprisingly the more I look the more I find. Why? I think that really one can make the difference.

Because I bet you in those 2 occurences that I had, the women will probably remember that instance even if not remembering me, but simply remember someone cared at that moment to show love (or be nice).

So if you're looking for a real simple way of combating racisim, stereotypes of the young black male or any category for that matter, negativity, or simply opposition of any kind, just show love. Pursue Love and Righteousness and watch things turn around.

-Ray

P.S. Either this young cat is maturing and gettin wiser, or somebody else wrote this (probably his Brotha.....Jesus.....prolly a combination of both)

P.P.S. Batman is the best superhero ever, cuz he aint have super powers, but he was nasty! Plus he got OD'ed on mad young. Some people can relate to that. (not me though) And wolverine used to be my fav too. He just OD'ed on everybody, he aint care, there were no rules. The destroyer of worlds can relate to that...lol

NOTE: All of these occurannces just happen to deal with women by coincidence. No assumptions should be made here.

Blog Chucks

2007-09-25T15:47:00.000-04:00

So I you probably as well, have noticed that I write on my blog about once a week. And then a lot at that one time per week. I'll try to be more consistent with my posts. With that said, here's another sessions of blogging madness.

-Ray

P.S. Why "Blog Chucks"? Cuz it's like throwing up (yeah bad image, but read on) a lot comes up at once, but its rare.

Eternal Perspective

2007-09-13T08:08:00.000-04:00

The link in on this title is to a sermon that I read online (yeah weird huh) b/c I was searching for a little Christian advice on where to look in the bible for my next post. I actually already had a passage in mind, but I wanted to back it up with something a little more concrete.

AND OH BOY DID I HIT THE JACKPOT!

This sermon was very very necessary. I HIGHLY suggest, no matter how stressful/congested your day is take the 10mins to read it (it took me 20min, I'm such a slow reader). But on to the post....

Have you ever thought you could learn something Christ-like from corporate america? Yeah, me neither, but I kind of did. It was weird (ok, God is everywhere so why is this weird that he's at my job, idk, is he at your job?). But prior to a meeting with my boss, I thought I was on the road to doing it big. I was in charge of my on web project, developing features that were requested, but not expected, and cleaning up the code. I was kind of ready to tell my boss all the wonderful things I was doing and going to wait for him to congratulate me and give me that proverbial pat on the back..........but that didn't happen of course. The mtg ended up being one that allowed me to see that I was only touching the state that is in the same body of water as the TIP of the iceberg (yeah I was real far from the bigger picture). After I sat done I realized that I had siloed myself into my project, my work, my progress and forgot about the larger machine that's generated cash flows around me.

This alluded to my shortsighted perspective (geez, its bad enough I gotta where contacts, plus they extra-strength, so u know i'm blind). But even more it made me think of the even bigger picture beyong my business stream, my job, my company, even corp. america. It made me think of my eternal perspective.

The day before I was reading the passage about Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well with the many "husbands."Jesus was on his way to Galilee and had to pass through Samaria. Homeboy stopped real quick for a drink, and then got "side-tracked" into talking to this girl and saving mad Samaritans.

Now Jesus was on a mission before he got to Samaria, but he dropped his plans and started on his eternal mission. It's not that odd when you read it the way I wrote it, but if you read the passage, it seems like Jesus just be talking to any 'ole body and don't never get nowhere "on time."

But the point is his perspective. He's not looking at the little matters at hand (i.e. going to Galilee to clarify some rumors) but focusing on God's perspective (saving lives).

After I read that sermon, this all was way too clear. I started thinking how does my day to day really fall into the bigger picture. I still don't have an answer for that, but I'm thinking in realtion to my previous post about community programs, I'm headed in the right direction.

Even more so, this blog. The initial purpose of this blog was for me to get on my Jesus game and couple personal posts with biblical teachings/experiences that I've learned and had. So with in that respect, I really really really encourage you to read that sermon. I can't give you everything he said, but I'll summarize just to wet your taste.

The sermon focuses on the Beattitudes, (principles or characteristics [if you will....is that annoyin Maisha] on how every Christian should be/live). It highlights the importance of maintaing a divine perspective throughout ur day to day in order to keep your joy.

Without a divine perspective in my circumstances, I'll lose the ability to walk in trust and obedience.

And it outlined the three basic things that attack your joy: circumstance, people, and things/status.

And it also had this ill definition (if you will) of being "blessed."

The blessedness spoken of by Jesus implies an inner satisfaction, joy and sufficiency that doesn't depend on outward circumstances for happiness. What Jesus meant by 'blessed' didn't have anything to do with the external things of life.

Through all of this I am in no position to tell people to keep ya head up, cuz I got it way too good to say that and make it effective. Instead I'll encourage you to maintain an eternal perspective...

...if you're not at the right job you want (eZ)
...if you're having troubles with recent move (Kez)
...or if you're tired of doing your day to day w/o knowing it's true purpose (J-r-uh)

I know yall aint stressed that hard, but just keep this message in mind and "pay it forward."

if God could Bless you like he does that who are persecuted, would you want it....that means people will hate you, though....you still want it?
-R

p.s. what does it mean to be "poor in spirit" (Matt 5)

Why Black Male Exploration?

2007-09-12T08:39:00.000-04:00

So here's that post I've been talking about that will explain what community service program I'm thinking of developing for young black males.

Black Male Exploration (tentative name)

Focused on the pre-adolescent through adolsecent years (11-19yrs) of young black men, I think a structured initiative can really positively affect young cats. Cuz I feel a large part of your life is really determined by your foundation as an adolescent growing up.

So If I could create a program that builds that foundation strong then the sky is the limit right?

So now the description....The dream....

Two groups of 5-10 young black males (11-19yrs) . Mentoring each other, working together to make a movie, exploring career options, ~~and~~ real talk sessionsand introducing faith (namely Jesus the Christ). I think if 15yr olds are mentoring 11yr olds, then they will think of themselves as leaders before they hit college, cuz not everyone has that leadership mentality simply because they were never exposed to it. And I'd have them working on making a movie, because its a good long term project that everyone can enjoy and participate it. Plus its something students can walk away with. Exploring careers because in my junior high doctors and firefighters came to the school to talk about their jobs. So everyone thought (subconcisouly) you had two career choices. But my pops exposed me to other options and had me meet people who were scientists, lawyers, social workers, etc. Basically he let my mind expand and wander to the world of possibilities by giving me somewhat of a launch pad for my young career aspirations. Hence when I was in 5th grade I wanted to be an "insectorologist," which I later discovered was called an entomologist. But that's in the 5th grade, when all my other friends wanted to be ballers and ll cool j and puff daddy (yeah that was the mid 1990s...lol i'm not even that old to say that).

Expanding on that idea ask yourself when you heard of the stock market. Or when you thought a businessman was actually something people ~~did~~ could become. Cuz I aint learn that in school, my pops had to school me when i was dumb young and dumb.

Our white counterparts are exposed to this because their dads, uncles, moms, aunts, are business people, investors, owners, etc.

[Pic: the man that started it all]

Why do we as young blacks think it's too early for us to be investing? Or learning about the stock market. Not saying that should be everyone's dream, but b/c we weren't exposed to it at an early age, we haven't given it enough time to mature in our minds and actually generate creative thoughts and questions around the subject.

EXAMPLE: For my graduation, my parents gave me money. Straight cash. Anyway, my other white friend (who shall remain nameless...lol) got STOCKS for graduation.

Now if that's not exposure I don't know what is.

Do you ever have that convo wit ya pops (if he's still there) when he sits you on his knee and says "son, let me teach you a little something about this thing called the economy, or the stock market, or ownership, or why when you're 21 you will take over my business and be way better off than you're minority counterparts"?

Answer No? Me too.

But this program will address that. Plus having real talk sessions for young brothas to question the norms....cuz really that's the age when you're introduced to stuff and you don't know why it is that way but it is and you either accept it, join it, or question it.

Tha's when gangs, girls, fast doe, and drugs are dropped into your world. That's how crazy things are when you don't question thangs....(damn this post is gettin long)

But one more, in my ad years my pops started this "Rites of passage group" at my school wit like 15 cats to discuss matters like this and so that young black kids can see olda black men doin somethin wit their lives. I aint think nothing of it at the time, just like the fortunate white kids who just inherit wealth and think nothing of it.

So with that said, after i get my crib and finally settle in. I'ma talk to my pastor about starting this program. If yall got any ideas please let me know.

This is the program that I want to fuel wit that paper millionaire status and have it become something like an institute where cats be braggin about graduating 2021 from the Black Male Exploration Institute (or something like that)

better than pipedreams, huh,

-R, to be a visionary you needa at least see what's out there

My plan or His plan

2007-09-11T10:12:00.000-04:00

I was thinking about that paper millioniare stuff and I was questioned to what avail? to whose glory? why you wanna get bread so fast? And I thought, the reason I want this dough so bad, and so soon is because I plan to use the funds to fuel this ill ill idea I had for a young black male program. As yall know, I'm deeply connected to my community and its type weird cuz so wat pops.

Both moms and pops are social workers, so I got that community-focused mindset at heart. But also cuz both are very pro-black, uplifting the community-type peoples, it obviously carried over to me. When I came across the idea for this male program, I thought I was a genius. It was mid summer (early July) before I started work. I explained the idea to my pops mad excited and goin off on tangents like I do in the blog but worse of course cause ADD is always worse in person (there are visual distractions). But he was laughin the whole time while I was explaining, and I aint think that was funny. But after I finished he asked if I came up with that on my own. Cuz he did that....He did just that at my church when i was dumb young....too young to be involved or even remember obviously.

But he got the documentation and write-ups and everything. So I'ma use his knowledgebase/experience to perfect mine, which is slighly different, but very similar.

Want to know what it is...(check the next post)

P.S. check the pics....lol...yeah i know...but forreal its little opportunities similar to this that positively affect our youth, forreal though, how do you know you can do something if you never seen someone else do it and you can't fathom it.

P.P.S. fat shout to queens dude defyin stereotypes and stats (J-holla! EzMac!! [lol memeber that] double g you a migrated native,but a native nonetheless, you too Val )

Paper Millioniare by 29yrs

2007-09-11T09:43:00.002-04:00

For real though, what does it take to become a paper millionaire by 29. Cuz I've been thinking about it for the last several days, not writing on my blog and annoying my fam and friends with in-depth plans and analysis of financial markets and real estate.

Paper Millionaire (n.) - someone who has as net worth of $1M or more, but not necessarily income of $1M. Net Worth = (Assets - Liabilities)

So instead of just bothering the select few people who I could get my hands on, I shall post to the universe....yes that's right, b/c the universe reads my blog.

Here's the plan (w/o b-school):

22yrs old - Secure a Home (condo...sometime in Oct. watch out for that post)25yrs old - Paygrade promotions to secure another Home (rent that one out)

28yrs old - Open a franchised business29yrs old - networth of $1M

32yrs old - partner wit Vince's prick self to make it 2 mil

Pipedreams or real plan? Everybody had street dreams of being a rapper for dumb long and maybe a ball player, why can't I dream of caking outta control. Plus I have the ill money management techniques that I'm developing with real estate (i.e. pay down that loan asap!).

Strategies:

10% post tax minimum tithe

10% pre tax to savings/retirement

Credit Card Bills always paid in full

Adding extra monies to principal of loan

Do these things and you might cake too. If you have any other legit AND legal ideas hit up the comment section.

But why do this...(check the next post)

Old Endings....New Beginnings

2007-09-11T09:33:00.001-04:00

Yeah so I like these cliche titles. They make me feel like my blog is some kind of movie where people actually watch it to the end and wonder how the hell do people get paid to write this corny material....

But this post is about of Bayside H.S. (seen in pic). Ok not really but it's more about my old English Teacher from Bayside. I actually called her, b/c she was one of the ~~free~~ teachers who told me to actually try to get into a good school and said shooting for York College was a let down for her (no offense to Yorkies, just not my style).

Anyway, after I called her she was so excited to hear from me, she took me, moms dukes, and pops out to dinner (on her dime) at a nice Italian joint. My sister woulda came but she was acting up....ok, nah she was busy, but for yall who know her know there is some truth in jest.

Again, anway, so this teacher over the course of dinner really made me realize how lucky I was growing up to have the upbringing that I did (clearly God's work). And it made me think about all the other young males who don't have the same opportunities and what is my role is changing that.....hence my next several posts.

P.S. Vince, Chris....I heard my english teacher say "maya copa" so it is a real phrase...therefore you all are stupid

Dear Blog,

2007-09-06T08:36:00.000-04:00

So I'm reading Colossians on the LI-double today and I decided I should do my next blog post as a letter, because in the new Testament Paul and a lot of other apostles wrote letters to mad different people. So will I....

Hello Blog! (call me wack again Hali and I send you a virus during add/drop)

So I'm happy since yesterday because God has blessed me with the desire to learn at all times. At first I wasn't really using this thirst for knolwedge to acquire the "right" kind of wisdom (Godly), but now I'm doing both. Well, I never told you the first. I have a tendency to search/find anything that sparks my interest until I find it no matter how long it takes (ask Mike B.)

So now I apply this thirst to reading the BI during my train ride in the morning...yes I got time on my hands right wit that 2hr commute...oh that's one way btw...so total 4hrs/day that's 20hrs/week....wow I'll die at 35 at this rate....ok back to the point

Anyway reason I'm so giddy and how this all ties in together (I hope) is that yesterday or last night for that matter, NACA (Neighborhood Assistance Corporation of America) gave me some unfortunate news. I was applying for their mortgage program. Yes Homeownership! But after diligent work by my counselor and extensive documentation on my part (sent at least 10 50-60pg faxes over the course of 2wks) they said we need to see more work history.....DAMN!!!....why are they hatin ona brotha tryna get a crib for real...but my inquisitive nature lead me to another BETTER program.....QUICKEN LOANS.....more info and post coming soon

Sincerely,

YOUR MOM!! (ok that was for Mike B.......THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID....ok I really needa stop......)

P.S. Why do I have a pic of Marvel's Colossus in my post.....they're not related are they....I'm really crazy though don't test me (ask them fools on the train when they see me grillin 'em on the E!!)

The Car, the Man, and His Dad

2007-09-04T21:43:00.000-04:00

Can my love for bimmer's be similar to the idolatry that God warns us against?

For real though, I like me's a bimmer! Why can't a brotha become successful and have a nice car? i don't want a Porsche or a jag, simply a 3-series till I've graduated to a 7.

I feel as though it doesn't force to act irrationally or cause me to indulge in unnecessary spending. Because, come on yall, do yall really think I'd get one if I couldn't afford it? I'm frugal's father. But I am interested to know from a Christ-like perspective what are the general feelings about materialism/consumerism and God.

Paul says greed, lust, and evil desires are idolatry in his "Rules for Holy Living" found in the book of Colossians 3:5.

Read that chapter, or even the book for that matter it's short before answering....Am I tryna stunt too early? What if its within my means (sorta)?

Very First Post

2007-09-04T21:15:00.000-04:00

Hello World!

This is my very first post to my long awaited blog. Yes, if you really know me, you'd know that I'm not this kind of person. But I decided to fuse two of my favorite things together {Jesus & Technology}.

So special thanks to Jesus C. & Mike B. for inspiring me to do this. Well actually, Mike just happened to be on the phone when I thought of this creative idea. But he definitely endorsed it 100%. So fat shout to my Singaporean brotha.

-Ray