The First Steps

So, I'm beginning to realize that I may have to take some concrete steps in order to mediate this people pleasing issue. I mean its not so much an issue as its a concern that it could potentially be dangerous/harmful.

So yall remember how I'm doing this on the side music project (i mean i'm just doin the website) that's supposed to blow up big time like youtube. I'm not 100% sure that I have time to do it. I mean I've been "doing" it since graduation. And my "doing" i mean sometimes i put in work other times i don't. And i think the people who are really dedicated to making it happen are looking for me to put in more work than i've been doing. Plus i kinda promise and never deliver.


Don't you just hate that. But check this, i think i'm more so trying to please people on the promise rather than being completely honest about the timeframe. more importnatnly i think i don't really have time for it at all. Sounds weird, cuz i'm really not doing anything else, besides work, but i'm realizing that that's a lot in itself. So I seriously contemplating letting them know i can't be on the project anymore....uuugghhh my other achilles heel...disappointing people....damn son. but on the real i'd rather tell them now then right before it blows up and they require much more outta me.

I guess the only other thing is that I kinda wanted to still be connected so if it did blow up i could benefit. maybe that's selfish. not so much for wanting to be in on it, but more so for wanting to be in on it, but not giving it the time it desires. I think that's where the lesson to be learned resides. If I can't give this project the time it deserves, which I can't, then I shouldn't be apart of it. Cuz anything less will look badly on me and will probably strain my free time, as it already has.

Thus said. I'ma have a call tonight and some unfortunate news will surface. But yall got the pre-release to the press ya feel me.

on another note, while i'm already in this train of thought (so i guess it isn't on another note), frits......yeah.....so....gonna have to say no, to that site....yeah i know....sorry....maybe she'll read this and i wont have to muster up the courage to tell her to her face. well over the phone. ahhh i know..i'll do it thru txt...man that blows. ok fine, given that she prolly wont read this till a month from now if even that. I'll send her a txt saying we needa talk about the joint. ya feel me...


baby steps cuz i'm taking baby steps,
-R. Learner


p.s. in other news....i'm waiting on that sprint instinct to drop (why am i still a sprint customer...i really don't know)

P.P.s. that's not me in that pic walking...some random black baby

Learning Lessons…

So, in my last post, yesterday or last week….actually it was more than a month ago, I talked about how I was crazy hyped to see the schemes that God has cooked up for me to learn from and to increase my wisdom and knowledge. And now with hindsight I’m not as excited.  I’m kinda like dag yo, forreal God this is how I gotta learn. was this absolutely necessary. I mean you’re all powerful and everything so maybe you could have taught me through a book or a tv show or simply through osmosis, but I guess I wouldn’t have listened unless it affected my life huh. man I really needa change that otherwise I’ll always be learning from the my own experiences. that’s kinda wack. I wanna learn the easy way.

Anyway, I realize some things about my person. This body that I inhabit for the time being. besides the fact that there is this og negro on the inside rattling his cage screamin and hollerin to be let out. there is also this dude who feels he has to please everybody. like foreal I genuinenily want people to be happy and what not. now to a degree, this isn’t a bad quality at all, however when that want/desire to please overrides other priorites…it kills.

like fixing peoples computers in the middle of the night because they lost their final papers and are going to fail their class without it, but yet I’m working on my final paper where I’ll be failing regardless, unless a miracle happens.

or like being an org whore and doing mad stuff/slack work that others didn’t do just for the betterment of the org and the community only to sacrifice my personal studies or work and suffer the consequences of all-nighters and rockstars

however it happens. it a constant theme in tha kids play. and because its something I do so naturally its hard for me to pinpoint it in the act, but one thing I’ve noticed is that my involvement in activities and “saying no” to things is coming up again. at the nell that was a big part of my experience, learning to say no to too many activities and toomany “real quick favors” etc. and now as I’m working and in the real world I have similar issues in a different arena.

one thing I’m trying to do is stop volunteering to be the savior, which is hard for me, cuz anytime someone is like “if only we had some sort of way to communicate over the internet like a website or something” I want rip off my shirt showing my computer costume underneath and save the day by building a site.

oh the days wheni just used to say no. to everything as a premise before even hearing the question. have now dwindled as the days of people implying they need my help and me wanted to rescue them from their plight are coming so much more often.

people pleasing is dangerous, I suggest everyone just be jerks and then when you’re nice to something they’ll be like oh wow I didn’t expect that. and they will since never expect it so u wont be caught in binds later on when they ask you to please other people. they just wont ask cuz they’ll be like nah. he’s not that kinda person. or nah he’s a jerk….

what have I really learned?