Consistency

Habits can be formed with consist and frequent actions. So I'm trying to do just that and come that form of spiritual actualization I was talking about last week.

I went to a bible study at this church in CT. And at first I wasn't really feeling the message. I mean it was good and all but it didn't seem revitalizing or refreshing. And I didn't to leave cuz I called in to make sure the bible study was still happening and ended speaking to the pastor who holds it. And of course had I got up he would've seen me and probably said something. So I stayed. And by the end of it I wasn't at all disappointed. Nothing miraculous happened or nothing from the surface really changed. I just kind of adjusted my attitude towards it and began to accept it for what it was: bible study.

So I plan to begin to form good spiritual habits by going again tomorrow.

In other news....(kinda abrupt right, yeah I know) My boy nate dawg sent me a little gift yesterday. And actually Mike B. ruined the surprise but nonetheless I didn't know the details. But he sent me this spiritual journal. It's one of those books you write in daily and end of reading the entire bible in one year.

Man these things always scared me. I just look at reading books in general as a task and now the bible. It's got like a bagillion pages. But last night I convinced myself to do it. And I packed my bible, the journal, and a pen in my work bag (the jack bauer pullover...except mines says NSBE) and went to sleep fixed on doing my first journal entry on my bus ride to work.

Sadly, I didn't. I convinced myself out of it cuz I said I was tired and needed to sleep cuz I haven't been getting good rest. Yall know me I can sleep at anytime, anywhere, without hesitation. But guess who couldn't fall asleep on the bus this morning.

So while my eyes were closed and not falling asleep I was like that's not fair God, you know I can't read anyway. Why burden me with so much to do while on this bus? I even went on to justify not reading by thinking i was already half-way into my bus ride from pretending to sleep for 15mins. So I shouldn't read cuz i wont finish....

Oh yall gon have to pray for me on this one. Its gon be hard, but I know I gotta start somewhere and start small. So hopefully tomorrow will be a different story

peace

There's more work to be done...

So a short but much needed post after a long hiatus. Maintaining this blog has been somewhat of a challenge for me (unbeknownst to the reader). So I am charging myself to post more frequently as the days come.

The New Year...

No resolutions here, no yearly projections on matters that could have been resolved yesterday. Today like no other day is no different than the last or the first for that matter. But in that I coincidentally post on the day that poetically everyone would like to hear the New Year's resolution to post more frequently. So I shall not mock resolutions for fear of hypocritcally condemning myself to the same shame for this mere act of happenstance. Instead, I'll just comply...

Spiritual Actualization. If this even means anything of psychologcial substance. I want to promote spiritual actualization. Similar to that of realizing one's potential. I want to "realize" the spirit within me. Although, paradoxically, the phrase spiritual actualization denotes a phsycial more logical understanding of this spirit. I actually want to have a more metaphysical, mysterious (if you will) understanding of this spirit.

No longer do I want to rationalize the decisions and directions this spirit leads me, but rather I want to decrease myself so that I can hear exactly what it is God is telling me.

So I am charging myself to produce and nurture new soil and fertile ground for God to plant new trees of knowledge in my life. Cuz, the ground now is a little too saturated with me and my thoughts. I'm not starting fresh, but I am adding a new garden from which to grow new trees. I want the God in me to take over me and allow me to become a child of Him.


God Bless.