Learning Lessons…

So, in my last post, yesterday or last week….actually it was more than a month ago, I talked about how I was crazy hyped to see the schemes that God has cooked up for me to learn from and to increase my wisdom and knowledge. And now with hindsight I’m not as excited.  I’m kinda like dag yo, forreal God this is how I gotta learn. was this absolutely necessary. I mean you’re all powerful and everything so maybe you could have taught me through a book or a tv show or simply through osmosis, but I guess I wouldn’t have listened unless it affected my life huh. man I really needa change that otherwise I’ll always be learning from the my own experiences. that’s kinda wack. I wanna learn the easy way.

Anyway, I realize some things about my person. This body that I inhabit for the time being. besides the fact that there is this og negro on the inside rattling his cage screamin and hollerin to be let out. there is also this dude who feels he has to please everybody. like foreal I genuinenily want people to be happy and what not. now to a degree, this isn’t a bad quality at all, however when that want/desire to please overrides other priorites…it kills.

like fixing peoples computers in the middle of the night because they lost their final papers and are going to fail their class without it, but yet I’m working on my final paper where I’ll be failing regardless, unless a miracle happens.

or like being an org whore and doing mad stuff/slack work that others didn’t do just for the betterment of the org and the community only to sacrifice my personal studies or work and suffer the consequences of all-nighters and rockstars

however it happens. it a constant theme in tha kids play. and because its something I do so naturally its hard for me to pinpoint it in the act, but one thing I’ve noticed is that my involvement in activities and “saying no” to things is coming up again. at the nell that was a big part of my experience, learning to say no to too many activities and toomany “real quick favors” etc. and now as I’m working and in the real world I have similar issues in a different arena.

one thing I’m trying to do is stop volunteering to be the savior, which is hard for me, cuz anytime someone is like “if only we had some sort of way to communicate over the internet like a website or something” I want rip off my shirt showing my computer costume underneath and save the day by building a site.

oh the days wheni just used to say no. to everything as a premise before even hearing the question. have now dwindled as the days of people implying they need my help and me wanted to rescue them from their plight are coming so much more often.

people pleasing is dangerous, I suggest everyone just be jerks and then when you’re nice to something they’ll be like oh wow I didn’t expect that. and they will since never expect it so u wont be caught in binds later on when they ask you to please other people. they just wont ask cuz they’ll be like nah. he’s not that kinda person. or nah he’s a jerk….

what have I really learned?